Like to read about history? Santa Anna, Texas 76878
Goliad, Texas 77963
Alamo, Texas 78516
Gun Barrel City, Texas 75156
Robert Lee, Texas 76945 Need office supplies?
Cut and Shoot, Texas 77303
Gun Barrel City, Texas 75147
Ding Dong, Texas
West, Texas (it's in Central Texas) and, of course, Muleshoe, Texas 79347
A Texas Cow Wash
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas
If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas;
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas;
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas;
If "vacation" means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas;
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas;
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas;
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas;
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody's passing you, you may live in Texas;
If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Texas;
If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas.
Rules for Yankees who move to
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be
instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Texan's name, refer to him (or her)
as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance of being
right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the 2 days of the
year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic.
Four men in the cab of a 4-wheel drive with a
12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along
shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out
of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in
the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth
cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural.
"All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. The first Texas expression to creep into a trans-
planted Yankee's vocabulary is the adjective "big
ol'," as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy." Eighty-
five per cent begin their new Texas-influenced
dialect with this expression. One hundred per
cent are in denial about it.
10. The proper pronunciation you learned in school
is no longer proper.
11. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is
valid here.
12. Tornadoes and Texans going through a divorce
have a lot in common. In either case, you know
someone is going to lose a trailer.
13. In Texas churches you will hear the hymn, All
Glory, Laud and Honor. You will also hear ex-
pressions such as, "Laud, have mercy," "Good
Laud," and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy."
14. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here,
are you?"
Gotta love it! ONLY IN TEXAS...
Texas Beer Joint Sues Church
In Mt. Vernon, Texas, Drummond's Bar began construction on
expansion of their building to increase their business.
In response, the local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar
from expanding with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up until
the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the bar and it
burned to the ground.
After the bar burning to the ground by a lightning strike the church
folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of
prayer", until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church
"was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through
direct or indirect actions or means".
In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all
responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.
The judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's
reply and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm going
to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have a bar owner
who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that
now does not."
True Story.
Stupid Texas Laws
* When 2 trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
*One city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot w/o first obtaining a special $5 permit.
* It is illegal to take more than 3 sips of beer at a time while standing.
* It is illegal to drive w/o windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
* It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
* It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
* A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
* The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
Beaumont
Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.
Clarendon
It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
El Paso
Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them."
Houston
Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.
Mesquite
It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
Port Arthur
Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator.
San Antonio
It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands. It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
Temple
No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square. You can ride your horse in the saloon.
Texarkana
Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights.
Here are some little-known, very interesting facts about Texas
1. Beaumont to El Paso: 742 miles
2. Beaumont to Chicago: 770 miles
3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas.
4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos, July 4, 1883.
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North
America built over water. Destroyed by Hurricane Ike - 2008!
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John Wm. Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston.
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America.
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of No. America's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island.
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was "Houston," but the Space Center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.
12. King Ranch in So. Texas is larger than Rhode Island.
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July, 1979.
14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. flag and may divide into 5 states.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.
18. Texas has had six capital cities: Harrisburg, Galveston, Valasco, West Columbia, Washington-on-the Brazos and Austin.
19. The Capitol dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller than the Capitol building in Washington, DC (by 7 feet).
20 The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free-standing monument in the world and is taller than the Washington Monument.
21. The name 'Texas' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas,' meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas.
22. The State Mascot is the armadillo. They always have 4 babies. They have one egg, which splits into 4, and they either have 4 males or 4 females.
23. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston.
Cowboy's Ten Commandments
posted at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie, Texas
1) Just one God
2) Honor yer Ma & Pa
3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting
5) Put nothin' before God
6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
7) No killin'
8) Watch yer mouth
9) Don't take what ain't yers
10) Don be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: "California archaeologists, finding a 200-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, a local newspaper in Texas reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Maypearl, Texas, Bubba Jones, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Texas had already gone wireless."
Just makes you proud to live in Texas, don't it?
Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth.
Texas Ice Cream Truck
Just how hot is it in Marshall today?
Ya'll git all that?
Stay tuned for more, as soon as my typin' fingers quit a-hurtin'
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Stupid Texas Laws
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